DISCLAIMER: As always, everything presented here is for entertainment and semi-educational purposes only. Please do not mistake this for mental health therapy or advice. If you need mental health counseling or treatment, please contact your insurance company, local college’s student counseling clinic, county crisis line, or the Psychology Today Portal.
If you want a running list of COVID-19 resources and news, check out my list here. Also, check out this running list of disaster hotlines by state. **I have quite a few articles for the news and resources page, but way too much is else calling my attention right now. Sorry to be so slow.
Has anyone else had this song going through their head:
The fact that I hate Glenn Frey and the smug 80’s saxophone aside, the song applies to what’s going on this summer. Not only do we have climate change cooking us all, but we have mounting political tension and that fucking virus to keep us all nice and tense.
The Universe will give us all a collective glass of energetic lemonade, right?
Such an adorable thought, but no. What you get is five or six planets in retrograde at once.
It mans a lot, actually. But let’s start by learning about each one:
- Mercury (6/17/20 – 7/12/20): We’ve all heard of this retrograde. It takes all forms of communication—verbal, nonverbal, electronic, telephonic, telepathic, written, carrier pigeon, et al—and runs it through the blender till it’s as slushy as a daiquiri. This particular Mercury retrograde is in the sign of Cancer. Emotional, vulnerable, emo Cancer. Sloan Bella breaks down what Cancer energy means in this video, but in terms of a Mercury retrograde in Cancer, you can expect:
- Repressed emotions coming to the surface. You might find yourself lashing out, having emotional flashbacks, feeling nostalgic, strong urges to drunk text, and inexplicably resisting things that were previously fine with you.
- Figuring out how you really feel about loved ones. This might mean being put into situations where you can no longer ignore someone’s dark side, or ignore your feelings for them.
- What security really means to you. Is what you’re doing for work or school just a means to an end, or is it aligned with you? What are you willing to do in the name of maintaining security?
- Venus (5/13/20 – 6/25/20): The planet of beauty and love—and also the ruler of Libra and Taurus—is going retrograde in the sign of Gemini. Chatty, two-faced, possibly maniacal Gemini. I rather liked this video on the sign of Gemini because it goes into both sides of the twins. So what does it mean when the ruler of beauty and love starts swimming backwards in Mercury’s home turf? It means:
- You might question your place in the world. What roles do you play in your life? Are these in alignment with who you really are? It may be time for you to make a stand and draw some boundaries.
- Significant others may become significant bothers. This includes all relationships you find dear—family, friend, business, or romantic. Tiny relationship cracks may look like the Grand Canyon. People looking to form connections might find it especially difficult during this time. If you had a weird feeling you and a loved one were headed for a split, it’s more likely to happen now.
- Don’t expect any recognition. You will have to speak up or your achievements will not be seen. You might feel a little unappreciated.
- Saturn (5/10/20 – 9/29/20): This ginormous, slow-moving planet is considered the planet of karma. A lot of justice and universal lessons happen when Saturn rears its ugly head, so it’s not surprising that Saturn is associated with the task-oriented sign of Capricorn. The fucked up part of this retrograde is Saturn is retrograde in the visionary weirdo sign of Aquarius, which you can learn about in this video. So what do you get when you cross the responsible adult with the cosmic flower child? A few of these things:
- You may be asked to explain your past mistakes. Don’t expect to just skate by while Saturn is moving backwards. Anything from old parking tickets to things you thought stayed in Vegas will come out during this time.
- You might resent the ol’ ball and chain. Whether it’s a toxic job or a relationship where you feel a little stifled, you may start to feel suffocated because of it. Aquarius needs freedom, man. The old routine might make you feel like the world is drinking your soul one tiny teacup at a time.
- You might want to take it to the next level. If your situation is good, you might have commitment on the brain. If enough is good, you might think more is better when it comes to a relationship.
- Power struggles with frenemies, family, and at work. Any petty jealousy or ego-based need for prestige will come to the surface. Thanks, Saturn… asshole. This is the time to set some boundaries and clarify your vision for when the chaos clears.
- Jupiter (5/14/20 – 9/12/20): This gas giant rules Sagitarius, which is pretty much the Foghorn Leghorn windbag of the zodiac. Sagittarius loves freedom as much as Aquarius, but has zero filter when speaking their mind. Zero. Fucking. Filter. You can learn more about it in this video. Jupiter will be moving backwards in Capricorn, which gives me the image of someone with profound ADHD trying to nag an underling. Anyhoo, expect a little of this:
- The need to get clarity. Expect annoying existential questions to crop up during this retrograde. Although you might want to grasp at labels to soothe yourself, please resist the urge.
- More optimism in relationships. Okay, so the planetary nuttiness has you feeling all over the place and needing to set boundaries. The upside is you might feel like things will work out for the better. We’re talking about a Capricorn and Sagittarius alliance here, so please look before you leap.
- Increased work dissatisfaction. If you were never really happy at work, then you might get downright miserable. Keep the grumbling to yourself until you land something else.
- Neptune (6/22/20 – 11/28/20): Neptune rules the water sign of Pisces, which has a tenuous relationship with reality. Many people with even an ounce of Virgo or Capricorn in their chart have found themselves wanting to shake the Pisces in their lives. The fish sees reality as a guideline, rather than, well, real because the fish tends to be empathic and often has prophetic dreams. This video breaks down the dreamy Piscean weirdness quite well. Neptune is going retrograde in Pisces. This big fish swimming backwards in its own tank means you may feel:
- Reality can be a bit harsh. You may see people for who and what they really are. Your normal illusions and self-soothing rituals may not work during this time.
- You won’t be able to unsee a lot of things about your loved ones. We have seemingly perfect love for a lot of imperfect people… Or do we? You will be confronted with how illusions and denial may have been holding your relationships together. This may not sit well with you.
- You may not still want what you used to want. Your goals may be more within your grasp, but once you get them you might feel a little meh. Don’t be afraid to explore new directions and even keep a dream journal. You never know how these insights may hit you.
- Pluto (4/25/20 – 10/4/20): This sometime planet rules the much-feared sign of Scorpio. The rest of the zodiac quivers in fear when they encounter Scorpio because they are known for their keen intuition, secretive and possessive nature, and ability to go straight for the jugular. They’re also known to be quite sexy. This video covers all of that. So what does it mean when the ultimate sign of intrigue starts moving backwards in stable, hard-working Capricorn? It means:
- You’ll see your shadow (self). Your shadow self is all of your quirks and not-so-great traits you desperately try to hide. Expect the sleeping dragons to awaken during this retrograde. You may be asked to apologize. You may get thrust into a situation that whacks your last nerve with the coldest spoon it can find. You may get audited by the IRS. Whatever happens, it will make trying on swimsuits seem a lot less traumatic.
- Jealous much? Jealousy happens. Some of us experience it more than others. Expect to get tested. Every last insecurity and feeling of inferiority you have will clog your emotional pores, especially around the full moons.
- Too many cooks, but no real chef. You may want to take the lead on something, but so does everyone else. Now might not be the time to engage in a power struggle. Be a team player, but clarify any leadership visions you have for the future. Scorpio is unnervingly patient, after all.
Holy crap, does this seem like an astrological game of 52 Card Pick Up to anyone else? I think the main things to do are to clarify your feelings and start thinking about your vision for the future. Buuuutttt something about this feels like a cubist painting, where your poor eye doesn’t quite know where to start looking.
“So what do we do, Spice?”
Talk to a Spider, Of Course
You arachnophobia-stricken readers out there, please control your anxiety. I’m not asking you to pour the daddy long legs in your bathroom a cup of coffee, nor would I want you to tell a brown recluse about your complex family relationships. Dating advice from a black widow is highly recommended, but I’m not asking you to do that either.
I am asking you to get to know the African spider god, Anansi.
You can read a more entertaining account here, but I’ll give you the Readers’ Digest version. Widely known as a trickster deity from West Africa, Anansi takes the form of a spider to have a chat with the sky god. Anansi then declared he was going to buy the sky god’s stories. The sky god asks the little spider why he thinks he can do this. Anansi responds with confidence, but no real plan. This utter bullshit amuses and intrigues the sky god. Anansi asks for the price tag of these tales and is told they will cost a piece of Onini the python, Osebo the leopard, Mmoatia the fairy, and Mmoboro the hornet.
Apparently wildlife markets weren’t a problem back then.
Anansi proceeds to shoot the sky god at least one thumbs-up and goes on his way. He tricks the python into being tied to a branch, traps the leopard in his webs, tricks the hornets with fake shelter, and fakes out the fairy. Anansi then presents these things to the sky god, who is forced to sell him his stories. This spider dude could also sell a few cars if he wanted, but I digress…
I have called on Anansi to help me get to the truth of a sticky situation a few times. The logic is kinda like that show where they get convicted thieves to test out homeowners’ security systems. Simply put, who would see through tricks better than a trickster? I like Anansi because he is humble, nimble, and patient enough to help you see the truth. His energy is like the fun, wise uncle you’ve always wanted. Anansi is the kind of deity who would be a hoot at a family barbeque. He has a great sense of humor, but needs you to make your petition for about a month before he’ll take you seriously.
Back to the six planets in retrograde. The meanings of these bizarre orbits are a little contradictory in places, but here are a couple running themes:
- You need to decide whether your relationships, job, and life reflect who you really are.
- You may need to cut ties or draw boundaries.
- You need to make peace with your mistakes and shithead tendencies.
- You need to clarify what you want in your life.
- You will come face-to-face with how you have changed.
- You’ll be smacked upside the head with some things you can’t unsee.
We’ve already established that the planetary kaleidoscope happening means we need to focus on what’s real for now so we can get the real tea later. And this mish-mash is insane enough that we need a trickster to help us see through the Universe’s karmic obstacle course. The timeframes tell me that we won’t be in the clear until about mid-October.
May as well ask Anansi help you prepare for the truth. You can ask Anansi to:
- Help you uncover gossip or negativity that may be blocking you at work or in relationships.
- Learn the truth about the lies being told about you.
- Figure out whether you can believe someone.
- Uncover any hidden jealousy, negativity, or resentment that others may be sending (consciously or unconsciously).
- Figure out where someone is coming from so you can deal with the situation.
- Learn the truth about someone’s motives.
- Figure out if you are being double-crossed, cheated on, or otherwise betrayed.
- See where you are lying to yourself.
He tends to show you what you need to know in dreams and stories, so be on the lookout for symbols and lyrics that tend to repeat themselves. I’m not talking about the radio playing the same five songs in a loop. I mean bizarre coincidences, accompanied by either the smell of cigars or an amused epiphany feeling.
Anansi’s needs are pretty simple. As long as he feels welcome at your table and like you come friendly, you’ll stay on his good side. Here’s a quick list of the offerings Anansi likes:
- Beef jerky or barbequed meat
- A good stout or ale. That spider loves his beer.
- A decent cigar.
Spell to Anansi
You Will Need:
- 1 black novena candle or orange votive candle in a black candle holder. I like to buy my candles from Dragonmarsh Apothecary or Panhalla Esoteric.
- 2 or 3 decent cigars.
- A big ol’ bottle of ale.
- A nice crystal or pewter offering cup.
- Beef jerky or barbequed meat.
- About 30 minutes of your time.
What You’ll Do:
- Ground yourself and clear your mind. I like using a meditation like this one from Tara Brach.
- Set out your candle, cigar, and offerings. As you do so, make sure to give thanks to Anansi and invite him to the table.
- Light your candle and cigar, then repeat the following three times: “I invoke the grace and wisdom of Anansi, which fills me, this space, and my situation with light. Light dissolves all darkness.”
- Repeat your prayer to Anansi three times. I use this one from the Pagan Book of Hours:
Sacred Trickster of the Jungle,
Giver of the Unexpected,
Winner of the Sky God’s Stories
And spinner of your own,
We hail you on this your day!
Spider on your dropping thread,
Tiny one with the great web
That takes in all of us,
Bless us with your agility!
You wrapped the serpent
In his own coils.
You trapped the leopard
In the pit of his fears.
You caught the hornets
In the gourd of illusion.
You snared the wood-spirit
In the tar of her own anger.
You seduce the good wife
With the fruit of her secret discomfort,
And seduce the husband
With the fruit of his own suspicions.
You teach all of us that it is not so wise
To always take oneself so seriously.
Teach us to laugh at ourselves,
Sacred Trickster of the Jungle,
Lest we freeze into dour, ancient stones.
5. Visualize a large bubble of silver light surrounding your request. Now visualize the cigar’s smoke carrying it to Anansi.
6. Humbly give thanks to Anansi and invite him to take your offering.
7. Allow yourself to sit in silence for a couple minutes before extinguishing the cigar and candle.
If you’re looking for an inspirational poem on finding your place in the world amongst a million ghosts, check out Joan Carol Bird’s latest. Hey, sharing is caring.
For those of you who can’t resist a little subtle virtue signalling, why not give to those sweet little animals in Australia? Funko Pop is releasing a limited edition figure to support the animals hurt in the Australian wildfires. Arm the Animals is also selling shirts to benefit the animals hurt in the fires. You can get those here.
If beanies or water bottles are more your style, check out the Piper Lou collection. Proceeds from select items benefit the Australian Red Cross. You can see for yourself right here. Or you can take the more direct route through GreaterGood.com
P.S. I managed to publish the first part of my first novel a few months ago!! I’m excited and want to share it with you. Check out Water Torture Part One: Have You Checked the Children? Here. Please read and review it. Thank you!!
Did you like my buddy Marshall Delaware, aka G. G. MacLeod? Check out our latest political feature. He’s coming back at some point this month, FYI. If you want to read an awesome historical fiction novel, you can get your hands on his book here. It may take place in Ancient Rome, but Augusta couldn’t be any more timely if it tried. He actually dropped Part Two a while ago and most recently gifted the world with Part Three. I think you should go get it, Tiger!