Spice’s Tarot Reading of the Week: March 25 – March 31

Ho.Lee.Crap!!  We made it out of March!  Is it just me, or did it feel a little rough on y’all?  Share some of your experiences in the comments, as well as what you think of this new format.  Love?  Don’t love?  Let me know!

March 25th – March 31st.

Overview:  You know the huge, dramatic climax in action movies, the ones where the hero and villain duke it out and everything is pure rubble?  This week is the point in the movies that happens after the climactic action. How you have dealt with the chaos of the last couple weeks will help build a foundation for future stability.  The main focus this week is your home and finances. This will be a good time to take stock of your finances, rearrange the furniture, apply for new jobs, or whatever you have to do in your environment to create security and a sense of wellbeing in your home.  As always, THIS IS NOT MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS. PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE ANY ADVICE GIVEN HERE AS MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS.

I asked the cards what we need to know about March 25th through 31st and I got:  Four of Wands (number 4, marriage, a stable home, prosperity, movement to more stability, the need to leave one’s old life and baggage behind in order to have a better life, and possibly a change of residence); Temperance (number 14, balancing one’s emotions, feeling balanced within oneself, integration, staying grounded, blending the positive and negative sides of oneself, the need to think things through, and the need to examine one’s priorities); the High Priestess (number 2, stillness, the need to sit back and observe, allowing oneself to experience deep feelings, the want to deepen one’s intuition, strong visions, the need to become more self-sufficient, an insightful person, and loneliness or isolation); and King of Cups (water sign male, moody or secretive person, a shrewd businessman, someone who hides their feelings, a talent for organizing others’ resources, a brooding or intense person, someone involved in secret and/or financial dealings, possibly a time to explore one’s passionate nature, and possibly a time to keep one’s feelings to oneself).  I suppose this spread indicates the smoothest possible ending to such an emotional roller coaster of a month. The focus this week is squarely on your home, the things that make you feel stable, and grounding yourself for future success. The Four of Wands tells me this final week of March is an opportunity for you to leave behind the emotional baggage that was brought to the surface during the first three weeks. The Four of Wands is an excellent indicator of future stability and possible domestic bliss, provided you bother to listen to what all the chaos has been trying to teach you.  Maybe the lesson was to cut out the haters.  Maybe the lesson was you need a new job or less family contact.  Either way, Temperance says the way to inner peace is realizing you are one half of those interactions and need to own your part.  The High Priestess cautions against taking any overt action in the name of closure or getting in the last word. Just don’t. Your best course of action is step back, allow yourself to feel all feelings, and avoid lashing out or blaming others for your shortcomings.  The combination of Temperance and the High Priestess tells me the more you sit with and process your feelings appropriately, the stronger your intuition will get. This spread concludes with the King of Cups, which underscores the moodiness of this month. This King is a secretive character and will play all emotional matters especially close to the vest.  I have a couple gut feelings about this. First, you are not done with the flying monkey aspect of last week. You may get a couple more people out of the woodwork, digging for intel on you. Take this as you would seeing cockroaches after the exterminator commits massive insecticide. Any roaches you see then are likely to be on their last legs and looking for escape.  If you find these fumigated flying monkeys in your air space, politely escort them to the nearest exit. My second gut feeling about the King of Cups in this spread is this is a time when you will be feeling all sorts of deep, undesirable emotion, but it’s the wrong time to freely express it. This second gut feeling is supported by the Temperance/High Priestess combo, which is all about processing your feelings in healthy, more solitary ways.  Simply put, talk to your pets, journal or therapist, not to your social media accounts.

Things to think about:  Does clearing the drama out of your life make you feel bored or restless?  How much of your identity comes from dealing with others’ chaos? What are at least three things you can do this week to maintain a positive self-focus?

Takeaways and Suggestions:

1. Nature abhors a vacuum.  When you decide to KonMari the drama out of your life, you free up some space.  Space is neither positive or negative.  It just is. You, my virtual friend, are the one who decides with what you shall fill it.  Write a list of things you would rather experience than the drama, such as finally writing your novel, going to a comedy show, or an extra walk with your dog.  What is at least one of these things you can do this week? Shoot for at least one item from your list daily.
2. Your responses to your environment will be a huge theme this week.  Write down at least three ways your physical habitat and/or physical body have suffered as a result of the drama you recently cleared.  Examples might be weight gain, less energy to clean, less money as a result of having to support someone, bad food choices, or not paying attention to certain aspects of your appearance or home.  
3. Write down at least one thing you can do to correct this issue under or next to each item on your list.  Now resolve to do at least one of these things this week. Of course I would prefer one positive action daily, but do what is realistic for you.

3/18/19: Dear Spice, I had the Weirdest Dream…

ATTENTION:  DEAR SPICE IS NOW FREE!!

You read that right.  As part of my partnership with the EVC blog, I am now offering Dear Spice readings free.  This comes with a couple things you should know, however:

1.  I have no idea how regularly I’ll be able to post these readings.  It all depends on what else I have going on at the time.  My guess is this will be a bimonthly thing.
2. Questions can be submitted in the Contact section.  Again, I can’t guarantee a time frame for an answer.
3. No follow up questions, please.  Sorry, but I wouldn’t be able to get to the follow up questions anyway.
4. THIS IS A FREE MINI READING.  If you need or want more, I highly encourage ordering another reading that might better fit your needs.
5. THIS IS IN NO WAY MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS.  It is a fun, free service for entertainment purposes only.

Dear Spice,

How are you?  I had the weirdest dream.  I dreamed a young Madonna was working at this Motel 6 as a housekeeper.  She was kinda famous but not really. My ex was living there. He’s an ex from over 10 years ago and I don’t think either of us wants to reconnect, but he shows up in my dreams sometimes.  Anyways, he was practicing Madonna’s dance moves with a bunch of back up dancers a lot. I got the feeling he and Madonna were dating, just broke up, or some weird tension between them. Even though she was kinda famous, he came off like a bigger star while she just did the housekeeping at this motel.  So what does the dream mean?

 

Thanks,

 

Confused and Amused

 

Dear Confused and Amused,

 

That’s the nickname I gave you because those are the feelings I had when I read your email.  Thanks for that. *ahem* I had a few questions after meditating a little. Namely, what was so significant about this relationship?  I completely get that you have no desire to reconnect, but he clearly made an impact and I think it would be valuable to explore this impact.  I also thought you originally meant the Virgin Mary until you clarified this was about the pop star. This was a bit of a bummer because I really wanted to know what it meant that the Virgin Mary was somehow known for her sweet dance moves.  Thanks for clarifying. Let’s take the major symbols first, shall we?

 

Motel:  According to the wonderful Aunty Flo, dreaming of a hotel or motel indicates insecurity in some area of your life.  This interpretation makes perfect sense to me because I’m a Jungian symbols kind of girl and know that dreaming of a house is all about dreaming of your mental state and lot in life.  Take a second and think about the first person or types of people who come to mind when you think of living in a hotel. Usually famous people, those who have to travel often, and/or drug addicts, yes?  Most stable people don’t live in hotels because hotels weren’t designed to be stable, permanent living quarters. Right off the bat, dreaming of an ex taking up space in a motel tells me you are feeling insecure in your relationships.  Is there any particular trigger for this?

 

Ex:  My other favorite online dream dictionary, Dream Moods, pretty much confirms what your letter said.  Dreaming of your ex does not necessarily mean you want this guy back or vice versa.  My gut feeling is there was something terribly significant about the relationship, rather than the dude.  I feel like either this was your first major relationship and/or it somehow set the tone for relationships to follow.  I also feel like it wasn’t a terribly positive tone and my gut feeling is there is perhaps a lot of guilt on your end. Not to make you feel worse, but what about this relationship makes you feel uneasy in retrospect?  The other thing about the ex in your dream is he is somehow more famous than Madonna, a woman who is known for positively dwarfing others with her presence. Was this guy really larger than life or did you somehow play it small in the relationship?

 

Madonnna:  The big thing to ask yourself when you dream of a celebrity is what he or she means to you.  Do you look up to Madonna, or have you ever looked up to her? What do you admire about her and what do you find annoying?  Madonna is mainly known for controversy, reinventing herself, being frank and open about sexuality, and normalizing parts of American culture that were previously in the shadows.  Meanwhile, your dream has her minimizing her presence to clean a Motel 6. Your letter doesn’t make it clear what the general vibe was, but I’m going to guess it was obvious she was famous and this guy couldn’t be bothered to notice.  Then again, maybe the point is her cleaning.

 

Cleaning/Housekeeping:  Cleaning in general is a symbol that the dreamer is either in the process of organizing his or her life, or desperately needs to get it together.  Having a housekeeper in a dream means someone is trying to control your life. Being the housekeeper in a dream means you need to ease up on the throttle because you are being too controlling and manipulative in whatever relationship is indicated.  Hmmmm… In the context of your letter, this can be interpreted a couple ways. First, Madonna could represent you, which means the big problem with this relationship was you putting your ex on a pedestal and ignoring your own potential in the process.  Second, Madonna could represent some sort of maternal energy. This not only makes me feel less blasphemous for assuming you were talking about the Virgin Mary, but also makes me wonder if there was a controlling mother aspect at play.  Think back to this relationship—even though the dream symbols indicate you have been trying to run from whatever happened in the relationship—and reflect on what influence your mother, his mother, or some mother figure could have had on the relationship.  Did you or he recreate the dynamics in your respective childhood homes? Did you catch yourself sounding like your mother or dysfunctional female relative? Third, Madonna as a housekeeper in a motel could be a combination of the first two theories. It’s a strong possibility because her namesake is seen as the ultimate martyr.

 

I asked the cards what you need to know about this dream and I got:  Eight of Wands (number 8, messages that come quickly, speed, action, movement, life speeding up, a possibility of travel, and increased social or work engagements); Ten of Cups (number 10, love, joy, happiness, a fulfilling relationship, wishes granted, and dreams coming true); Nine of Cups (number 9, being deliriously happy and content, fulfillment, harmonious relationships, and a warning against complacency); and the King of Cups (water sign male, moody or jealous person, brooding-type personality, possibly a secretive person, one who does not openly reveal their feelings, an intense person or situation, possibly the need to explore your passionate nature, and a possible warning against revealing too much).  I believe this dream is a message about your previous relationship and a current one. I feel like this relationship that happened a zillion years ago was one where there was true love on both sides. However, you both were at least ten years younger when the relationship happened and probably still figuring yourselves out at this time. I also get the feeling you were going through a depression of sorts at that time and unconsciously sabotaged the relationship with mood swings, jealousy, and putting yourself down to keep him on his pedestal. I really don’t feel like he was abusive at all, but I also don’t think he knew what to do with this ultimately toxic relationship dynamic. Fast forward to your current relationships.  I don’t feel like you’re single and I feel like you may have grown up quite a bit since this relationship from your younger days. I also feel like your current relationship is stable and relatively happy, possibly comfortable. However, are you still overwhelming yourself by creating this dynamic? This dream could very well be a warning against sabotaging your current relationship in familiar ways.

 

I asked the cards what you should do with this information and I got:  Princess of Pentacles (earth sign female, the need to turn a plan into a reality, new study or apprenticeship, ideas for financial improvements, and a loyal young person); Four of Swords (number 4, rest after a lengthy mental or physical illness, the need to take a break, allow oneself to recuperate and give up control, and the need to think things through quietly); King of Wands (fire sign male, one who does not suffer fools gladly, an impatient visionary, rash comments or judgments, successful businessman, the need to put one’s creations into the world, someone who doesn’t like being restricted by demands, and possibly a sense of coming into one’s own); and Three of Pentacles (number 3, recognition for a job well done, praise, skills and achievements, and sincere effort being rewarded).  I believe the first thing this spread speaks to is your relationship pattern of attempting to control by putting the other person on a pedestal. Let’s face it, you always know where they are if you put them up there and you don’t have to focus on yourself by doing so. This spread tells me it may be wiser for you to focus on your own accomplishments right now because we have three cards that talk about accomplishments (the King, Three of Pentacles, and Princess). The common thread in these cards is making a vision real. Honestly, I think you have a project in mind and I feel like you’ve always known it has real potential. I also feel like the first time you put this project aside to focus on someone else was during this past relationship, which created a lot of resentment in the relationship.  Are you doing the same thing in your current relationship? Are you afraid that the relationship will somehow be over if you chase your dream? I don’t get the feeling this relationship will be ending and feel like the Four of Swords is trying to tell us you need to take a break from being your significant other’s personal assistant for a while. I don’t think it’s worthwhile to speculate whether doing so would have saved this past relationship, but I think putting your vision into the world and focusing on yourself more may make your current relationship stronger. Also, I think the King and the Four of Swords together speaks to your tendency to lash out, rather than express yourself assertively. I feel like you let irritations build until you burst and they come out as nasty comments, possibly rage.  How can you learn to handle your feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, et al more productively? The Four tells me you need to incorporate more breaks into your day so stuff doesn’t build. These breaks can take the form of quickie meditations on YouTube or a phone app, journaling, zoning out to some music, or whatever helps you press Pause. Just do it.

 

Just for fun, I asked the cards how your ex sees your past relationship and I got:  Seven of Swords (number 7, duplicity, cunning, the need to think carefully, schemes or manipulation that does not work, the need to cover one’s tracks, impulsive acts, someone with something to hide, avoidance, and possibly the need to keep one’s schemes and plans to oneself); Three of Wands (number 3, expanding one’s horizons, success and achievement, traveling for work, and growth); Princess of Cups (water sign female, the dawning of intuition and psychic ability, an imaginative and creative person, and a sensitive person or issue); and Ten of Swords (number 10, gossip and backstabbing, leaving a bad situation for a better one, slander, words that leave lasting scars, mental stress, and the need for a vacation).  Ouch. I’m sorry I asked. The spread begins and ends with two Sword cards that indicate some level of dishonesty, which gives me the feeling he has written this relationship off as a toxic situation with a toxic person. I also feel like there may have been other people influencing the both of you, maybe mutual friends who loved the drama or family who sensed that this relationship could distract you from what they thought was important. On some level, your ex agreed with them and still does. Yeah, shame on him for listening to the trifling, but also shame on you for taking your insecurity out on him. The Seven of Swords indicates your ex always felt like he had to walk on eggshells and was never sure what reaction he could expect from you.  I feel like “this was a toxic situation with a toxic person” was the mantra he used to help him disengage because there is a lot of hurt in this spread, mostly in the form of the lashing out I mentioned in the last spread. He was immature and selfish. I’ll give you that. But you really hurt and confused him, which is indicated by the two middle cards.  The Three of Wands speaks to the potential he saw in the relationship, while the Princess of Cups indicates how much he wanted the relationship to work.  This brings us back to your current relationship, which you may want to evaluate for the same verbally abusive pattern. Just saying.

In short, I believe you feel badly about what happened in this past relationship and the dream is you feeling insecure about the pattern continuing in your current relationship.  Whether or not you are going down the same road, I feel like it is worth it for you to journal about it and actively try to change your behavior.

***THIS IS NOT MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE, NOR SHOULD IT BE MISTAKEN FOR MENTAL OR MEDICAL HEALTH ADVICE.  PLEASE CONSULT A QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL IN YOUR AREA FOR CONCERNS RELATED TO YOUR MENTAL OR PHYSICAL HEALTH.  THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.***

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Spice’s Tarot Reading of the Week: March 17 – March 24

Hey.

Welcome to the almost end of March.  Unfortunately, we are still on the Mercury retrograde roller coaster.  Hopefully I will have a link or more info for you guys about this start up blog in the next couple weeks.  Till then, enjoy!

March 17th – 24th.

Overview:  The overarching theme this week is diplomacy.  The cards strongly indicate you will encounter situations where it is not particularly wise to give your true opinion or fire back with sarcasm, venom, candor, etc.  Also, do not engage in gossip this week because anything you say will be held against you by your family, employer or social circle. One of the key players is a tricky individual who will do anything to take the focus off their negative behavior.  Calling them on it will only allow them to play the martyr, which will do you no good. Sorry, but diplomacy is your only option. As always, THIS IS NOT MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS. PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE ANY ADVICE GIVEN HERE AS MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS.

I asked the cards what we need to know about March 17th through 24th and I got:  Five of Wands (number 5, competition, jealousy, grandstanding or phony display of aggression, the need to defend oneself, tense business situation, one’s opinions being questioned, and the need to prove one’s point yet again); Seven of Swords (number 7, deception, the need to think carefully and consider all sides, schemes that do not work, the need to use cunning or live by one’s wits, things happening behind the scenes, possibly the need to keep one’s ideas to oneself for protection, and possibly a warning against being manipulative or manipulated); Five of Swords (number 5, a no-win situation, selfish actions, withholding communication, not open to negotiation, the need to choose one’s words carefully, finding out one does not really have the upper hand, and the power of diplomacy); and Knight of Cups (water sign male, new romantic prospect, the need for creative action, a loving and sensitive person, a moody or easily hurt person, lacking the initiative to complete tasks, and possibly entering a creative phase in life).  If the first couple weeks of March were all about airing dirty laundry and upheaval, this week is all about avoiding manipulation and being diplomatic. There’s a definite energetic cycle happening in March. The first two weeks are all about bringing things to the surface and clearing the air. This week is the Universe’s way of asking, “Are you sure? Are you really, really sure you want peace?”  Seriously, two out of three weeks have that difficult Five energy in them.  Five energy is all about lessons and the Five of Wands is no exception. The Five of Wands speaks to an ongoing rivalry-type situation, usually to do with work or family.  If you have that one difficult person that always tries to compete with you or talk trash to feel better about themselves, this will be the week they surface. Oh goody. The main vibes I feel around this card as it sits here are work and siblings.  When I say that the difficult person in your life will surface, I don’t necessarily mean you will see them physically. This person could surface via email, text, or phone, as well as through blow back from the trash they talk behind your back. Whatever this person has been doing to target you is likely to come to light this week.  Again, oh goody. The Seven of Swords reinforces the deception and snakelike tendencies of your week. There’s a wee bit of a catch with the Seven of Swords. On one hand, we have the main deceiver. This person is the one doing the sabotaging, withholding, gossiping, or that phony, dramatic concern thing. But their target needs to be equally deceptive in order to survive this relationship.  The Seven of Swords speaks more to the interplay between the deceiver and target than it does the deception itself. It is a card that not only warns deception is afoot, but also sounds the self-protection alarm. The Five of Swords reinforces the self-protection aspect of this relationship because it depicts a no-win situation. Seriously, the person or entity you’re dealing with has been maneuvering you on their chess board for a long time in order to remain 30 steps ahead.  The only way to counteract this is assume anything you say or do will be held against you in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. The Knight of Cups feels like a strange ending to this spread. The Knight in this combination tells me a couple things. First, the deception is likely to come in the form of someone playing nice, acting concerned, or appearing to take a genuine interest in your life. Have you ever heard the term flying monkey?  It is used to describe someone a bully or narcissist uses to gather intel and/or do their bidding.  Beware of anyone who seems a little too nice or pops out of the woodwork and asks a lot of questions about you.  Then again, this person may do their own dirty work and come on uncharacteristically decent or human. Get familiar with the gray rock technique and see how fast the mask crumbles.  Anyway, the second thing the Knight of Cups tells me is this is a great week for creative pursuits and to write down any inspiration you might have.

Things to think about:  Is there a relationship in your life that involves gossip, backstabbing, deception, or other toxicity?  Has anyone in your life done a complete 180? If there were three ways you could change this relationship, what would they be?  Considering the other person in this relationship probably won’t change, what can you do differently to protect yourself?

Suggestions and Takeaways:

1. There are just some people in this world who need others to be wrong to make themselves feel right.  It doesn’t work most of the time, but that isn’t your problem. I believe this is a great week to schedule at least three little things that take you to your happy place.  One little happy activity per day is ideal, but at least three this week will work. Write down your list of happy activities.
2. If you have ever thought of incorporating a little meditation or journaling into each day, this is a great week to begin.  I suggest keeping your journaling to about 10 minutes daily, with about two minutes of free writing any and all opinions you have strategically kept to yourself during this time.  As for meditation, keep it short and simple because you don’t have the bandwidth for the crazy woo-woo stuff this week. This basic Buddhist Zazen meditation is a good place to start.  Oh look, there’s a video version!  
3. Toxic people come in many shapes, sizes, and Lethal Dose 50 levels.  Beware of any interaction that feels a little too good to be true or like the other person wants something.  I highly recommend using the gray rock method to counteract the toxicity in these relationships.  In fact, practice your list of gray rock responses so they feel more automatic when you get the danger signal.

 

Tarot Reading of the Week: 3/1/19 – 3/8/19

Hi.  I’m posting this a week late because this week’s journal activity actually builds on this one.  Enjoy!

It was done ahead of time, I swear!  Hopefully this won’t happen again.

March 1st – 8th.

Overview:  This week is all about clarity vs. choosing to remain deluded, boundaries, and possibly negative forms of self-expression.  Let’s take these themes in order, shall we? We all have those moments when we realize something we’ve been putting up with–your sister’s permanent victimhood, the difficult coworker, microaggressions or passive-aggressive types, etc.–just sucks.  That, my virtual friend, is clarity. You can do one of two things with clarity. You can shove it down and pretend it never happened, or you can acknowledge it and set some boundaries. If you choose the latter, just know they will be a work in progress all month.  If you choose the former, expect more of the same, plus the discomfort that comes from knowing things aren’t right. Expect to lose your temper–overtly or in the form of passive-aggression or backbiting–either way. As always, THIS IS NOT MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS.  PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE ANY ADVICE GIVEN HERE AS MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS.

I asked the cards what we need to know about March 1st through 8th and I got:  The Hermit (number 9, the need to go within and seek answers, self-knowledge, the need to tune out others, preparation for change, possibly solitude and loneliness, possibly emotional withdrawal, taking stock of what one has learned about oneself, and getting a better idea of what one wants); Ten of Swords (number 10, gossip, backstabbing, possibly a bad back, mental or emotional attacks that are greatly exaggerated, being hurt by harsh words or arguments, the end of a cycle of arguments, leaving a bad situation for a better one, mental stress, and perhaps the need for a vacation); Six of Swords (number 6, possibly a journey across water, healing after a difficult time, possibly a guardian angel, light at the end of a tunnel, entering a more peaceful phase of life, and possibly a change of residence); and Ace of Cups (number 1 or 11, happiness, emotional fulfillment, a happy relationship, love, a positive emotional situation, and gaining one’s wish).  The first week of March goes in like a lion, but out like a lamb according to the cards. I believe this spread tells of setting a boundary and clarifying what you will and will not tolerate. The first card is the Hermit, which is usually a card of someone taking a step back from a situation and either thinking about it objectively or listening to their heart. When paired with the Ten of Swords—which is all about head games and drama—we have someone who is sick of pettiness, gossip, backstabbing, and others lashing out at them. I believe these cards together tell of someone who has had enough and is about to let their feelings be known. I feel like the target of this unloading will not be pleased but will take this as their cue to either shut up or leave. I don’t think this will change who this tea addict is on a core level, but it will change the boundaries in the relationship for the better.  If you have been needing to tell someone to Eff Off or get a new victim, this is a great week for it.  The Six of Swords supports my hunch that drawing this boundary will allow you to breathe easier, even if the Hermit tells me you may be lonely for a while after doing so.  The Six of Swords is a card that indicates healing from a great deal of mental stress, whereas the Ten of Swords indicates having a great deal of mental stress. These two cards together are a fantastic sign if you are looking to decrease the drama or want to stop being the target of gossip and sabotage.  However, nothing will change if you don’t put forth the effort. The Ace of Cups offers further encouragement because this card is about the most positive, loving card in the deck. This is ordinarily a card of new relationships that have marriage potential or gaining your heart’s desire. In this spread, the Ace comes after a card of healing.  This tells me the boundary you set this week will clear the way for what you truly want and need. One caveat, however, is this change could be the result of a relationship or job situation ending. If that is the case, just know any sadness or loneliness you feel will be easier to tolerate than the relationship’s toxicity.

To think about:  What is a relationship that has been holding you back?  Where in your life have you been working around a dramatic, negative, or toxic person?  How has this relationship been holding you back? If you could change three things about this relationship, what would they be?  What has been your part in this negativity?  How can you do things differently, regardless of what the other person does?

Takeaways and suggestions:

1. List all of the times in the past year that you have felt drained, anxious, angry, depressed, or generally irritated before or after you knew you had to deal with someone.  For example, we all have that one friend or relative from whom we dread receiving a text or email. Write down the name of each other person who was involved.
2. Write down a list of three positive qualities of this relationship and three negative qualities next to or under each name.  Which list was easier to write for each of them?
3. Next to each name, list all of the times in the next six months that you know for a fact you will need to deal with them.  Circle the events that are going to happen the soonest.
4. List the events on a separate piece of paper.
5. Under each event, write down how you have reacted to this person during similar events in the past.
6. Now write down how you would rather react to this person at these events.
7. Write a list of emotional and social resources–such as supportive friends, journaling, and making sure you hit the gym before or after the event–that can help you maintain enough composure to react in a way that is closer to your chosen reaction, rather than the reaction that feeds the negativity.

Tarot Reading of the Week: 3/9/19 – 3/16/19

Hi.  Welcome to the new format.

As you can see, I did away with the Tarot Card of the Week and am replacing it with this.  Why, you might ask?  Or maybe you didn’t.  Either way, I’m collaborating with a blog called The East Valley Compass and these weekly readings will be available on their site starting in May.  This also means my Dear Spice advice readings will be free of charge, buuuuuttttt there will be a couple catches to that.  More on that later.  On to the weekly tarot reading, shall we?

March 9th – 16th.

Overview:  There are three significant themes this week.  The first is relationships formed out of a sense of familiarity and habit, which can breed resentment and misunderstanding.  There is also a sense of comparison this week, possibly overt superiority. This sense of comparison lends itself to the final theme, which is some form of bullying or disrespect that has been tolerated far too long.  Finally, the energy this week contains an unexpected–or partially expected, but ignored–upheaval that changes the relationship(s). The strong presence of Five cards shows me the biggest change from this upheaval will be the change it creates in you and your perspective.  Just know that you have choices and any destruction that happens is ultimately a good thing. As always, THIS IS NOT MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS. PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE ANY ADVICE GIVEN HERE AS MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE OR DIAGNOSIS.

I asked the cards what we need to know about March 9th through 16th and I got:  Two of Cups (number 2, relationship based on friendship, partnership, a new relationship or renewal of an existing one, a relationship of equality, and acceptance); Five of Pentacles (number 5, low self-esteem or self-worth, feelings of deprivation, real or imagined poverty, a temporary low point, the need to use creativity to get over a low point, and a sense of spiritual poverty); Five of Cups (number 5, grief, loss, a bittersweet feeling, sadness, a warning to not cry over spilled milk, the need to focus on what remains, the need to let go of an emotional issue for something better, and gaining something greater after a loss); and the Tower (number 16, a destructive experience that leads to liberation, complete upheaval, sudden and unexpected change, things that have been swept under the rug coming to the surface, surge of creativity due to adversity, and any fakeness in one’s personality will come to the surface).  Just when you thought it was safe, the second week of March offers more upheaval. Ugh. You’re welcome? Although the Two of Cups can signal a new relationship, it mostly signifies one that is comfortable and based on friendship. These relationships build up many assumptions over time because routines get established and people settle into their roles. Your most comfortable relationships will be the ones in the spotlight, whether they be long term romantic relationships, childhood friends, or family. The Two of Cups is followed by two Five cards that signify deprivation of some sort. The Five of Pentacles is a card of financial deprivation and a sense of being less than as a person. In a relationship spread, this makes me wonder if the Five of Pentacles points to relationship inequality here. This spread leads with a card that indicates a relationship based on equality and ends with a card that talks about secrets being unearthed.  Hmmmm… Maybe the Two of Cups should signify a relationship that is either equal on the surface or strives to be equal but has some major issues below the surface. The Five of Pentacles tells me these inequalities center around money and/or some form of bullying that makes one part of the relationship feel insecure. The Five of Cups indicates a sense of grief surrounding this relationship, like on some level one or both parties know the problem exists. There’s also a sense of loss in this relationship that feels like a recent death that affects one party more than the other. Death is an extreme example, but the Five of Cups always indicates a loss of some sort. The Five of Cups also indicates there is plenty that remains, which asks the reader to focus on what is there rather than what has been lost. The big lesson with the Five of Cups is to let go of an old emotional issue or grudge in order to move forward. This combination of cards tells me that unless the buried issue involves some sort of abuse, the relationship in question can be saved after the inevitable blow up indicated by the Tower.  The Tower tells us change is coming, whether we like it or not. The change usually comes as a result of an unexpected, possibly traumatic event. This can be a job loss, a death, an illness, cyber bullying, or anything the reader finds devastating. This devastation will shine a harsh light on both parties in this relationship. Healing is possible, but only to the degree both parties are willing to own their part in the issue.

To think about:  What issues have you been avoiding in your friendships or relationships?  Are there any relationships that feel unequal to you? If you could change three things about these relationships to make them more equal, what would you change?  What can you change about your behavior in these relationships, regardless of what the other person does?

Takeaways and Suggestions:

1. List all of the relationships in your life that feel unequal or a little too high maintenance.
2. Revisit your list from the first week of March.  You know, the list of friends, frenemies, acquaintances, relatives, coworkers, etc. that make you feel drained and just plain crappy when you’re done dealing with them.  Notice any similarities between the two lists?
3. Write down any names that appear on both lists.
4. After each name, write down one thing you get from the relationship and one thing you would change if you could.  They’re not going to see the list, so you can write something like, “I would change the way Wolfgang talks. He whines too much.”  I won’t judge you for it.
5. Go through each of the names and assign each positive thing you get from the relationship a number value from one to five based on how positive this aspect of the relationship is for you.  A ‘one’ rating signifies something you could easily live without, whereas a ‘five’ means you need more of this in your life.
6. Now go through the names on this list and assign each thing you wish you could change a number value between one and five.  A ‘one’ rating means this is something you can easily accept or ignore, while a ‘five’ means this is a glaring issue.
7. Looking at the numerical contrasts on your list, does this change how you plan to deal with these people?  List at least one boundary you can set with each person based on this information, such as redirecting the conversation when your hypochondriac coworker talks about her latest bruise or not opening emails from that relative who likes to start feuds with you over politics.